Is breast really best?

As a brief disclaimer, I am breastfeeding Henry and we have found it relatively easy. We’ve been lucky.

Of course the medical answer to the question is “yes, breastmilk is the most nutritious and beneficial food for a newborn” but really, I’m not here to talk about it in that sense.

So let’s try again. Is breast really best?

No, I don’t believe it is.

I believe that ‘Breast is Best’ is a catchy and emotionally manipulative slogan.

I believe that breastfeeding can be a beautiful experience.

I believe that what is really ‘best’ for a baby is to be fed. Whether by breastmilk or formula, a baby needs to be fed.

And I believe that a baby needs to bond with a mother who is happy.

As I said before, for me, breastfeeding has come easily, and I was given fantastic support from the midwives when I was in hospital (a brilliant midwife named Rhiannon, in particular). Unfortunately, for many of my family and friends, this has not been the case but they have felt pressured to continue trying to breastfeed because “everyone says breast is best and I need to do the best for my baby.”

It makes me so angry that these wonderful, strong women are feeling this kind of pressure; that they’re feeling as if they’re bad mothers for considering using formula. Being new to motherhood is an emotional and overwhelming experience on its own, without adding the worry of being a bad parent.

Now I have no problem with someone wanting to persevere with breastfeeding if they’re finding it difficult, but if someone is truly struggling and refuses to consider formula purely because “breast is best”, then I do have a problem (with the slogan, not the woman).

Desperately trying to continue to establish breastfeeding can be physically and emotionally exhausting, and can put undue stress on hormonal, tired and overwhelmed new parents.

Imagine this scenario – a mother is trying to breastfeed her baby. It hurts and he doesn’t stay latched on well. She suspects he isn’t getting enough milk because he can’t latch on properly. She considers changing to formula but remember – breast is best – so she thinks that if she just carries on trying, they’ll manage it. After all, she has to be a good parent to him, and if she switches to formula, that isn’t “best”! What parent wouldn’t want to do the best for their child?

Is the breast really the best thing for the baby in this scenario? No! The breast isn’t giving that baby what it needs – what would be best is for him to be properly fed!

Now imagine this scenario – a mother is struggling to bond with her baby and is diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. She is told by the doctor that she desperately needs to go on anti-depressants, but that she can’t while she is breastfeeding. So she’s now torn – does she stop breastfeeding and take the medication? Or does she keep going with breastfeeding? Well, she hasn’t bonded with her baby thanks to the PND, so she already believes she’s a bad mum. She doesn’t need that confirming by her deciding not to give her baby the best. And remember, breast is best!

Surely this baby deserves a mother who is healthy and able to bond with it? Yes, the baby is getting all its nutritional needs (unlike in scenario 1) but its poor mum is tearing her mental health apart to try and keep it on breastmilk.

How about this scenario – The idea of breastfeeding really makes this mother feel queasy. She doesn’t know why, it’s just never something that has appealed to her. Now though, hearing and reading “breast is best” everywhere is making her question this. She really doesn’t want to breastfeed, but does that make her a bad mother? Don’t good mothers want what is best for their child? If breast is best, then that’s what she feels she needs to do, even if it goes against everything she wants.

It can’t do this mother and her baby’s relationship any good, for her to be regularly having to partake in something that she absolutely doesn’t want to do. What if she then comes to resent her baby for it? Yes, being a parent can mean sacrificing things for your child, but a mother's health is just as important as the baby's. 

And what about the mother who tries really hard but their milk just doesn’t come in properly? Or the mother whose baby has to be in special care for a while, and they can’t get breastfeeding established once the baby and parents are reunited?

Now it might be that in any of those scenarios, the mum carries on breastfeeding, perseveres, and actually it all does work out fine. The point is, it might not, so the least that the professionals can do is make it so that she doesn't feel pressured in either direction. 

I can understand feeling disappointed if you want to breastfeed and can’t for whatever reason; I’d have been disappointed if I wasn’t able to. What isn’t right though, is the amount of pressure to breastfeed. I gather from speaking to friends and family that once the decision has been made by parents to stop breastfeeding and use formula, the support and information seems to be pretty good. It’s the decision making process itself that isn’t right.

It should be an easy decision – what is best for me and my child?

So is breast really best?

Not for everyone.

Fed is best. Happy is best.

Make a decision based on that, not on a slogan that, let’s face it, relies on being really lucky that the words breast and best are near rhymes.