Positivity

It’s officially been over a week since we found out that we’ll need IVF. Subfertility is the accurate word, according to the copy of the surgeon’s notes that we’ve now been given, because apparently ‘infertility’ isn’t a word they like to use anymore as it’s too absolute. I suppose the distinction is important – infertile would suggest that I cannot have children but actually so far there is nothing to suggest I won’t be able to carry and give birth to a child. So long as the doctors can get all the relevant parties where they need to be, that is.

As is probably obvious, this week has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, and I have no doubt that despite my current positivity, there will be plenty more boxes of tissues needed in this house as we continue this journey!

Staying positive however, I wanted to share one thing that my Mum said to me this week that has really stuck. She asked me “Well, what’s changed?”

I (as a blubbering mess) replied that we need IVF to have children (had she not been listening to anything I’d told her since the hospital?!)

“You’ve always needed IVF to have children. You just didn’t know it before.” 

And you know what? She’s right. I haven’t had some horrific accident and suddenly been unable to have children, while I would have been able to before. Subfertility has been with me for a long time – possibly since I was a teenager – and the only difference is that now, we know about it.

Actually (I suddenly found myself thinking) doesn’t this mean we’re better off now we know? My fertility hasn’t changed but our ability to do something about it has.

Wow… talk about a change of perspective.

So that is how I’m choosing to look at it right now. I’m sure it won’t be long before I feel terribly sad again, but at the moment I have to look at this news as something positive. Not knowing about it wouldn’t change the fact that I’m subfertile. Knowing about it has actually given us our best chance at becoming parents, so as devastating as it felt at the time… I think it may, truthfully, be good news.